A man was filling out a job application form.
Whe he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote "No."
Not realising that the next question was only for people who answered "Yes", he wrote "Never been caught."
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face
each other, but still they stay together.
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one,
you'll become a philosopher. Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. 'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.
It's called marriage.' 'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years Then we met.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.' First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.
Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.
Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day......... " and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.
Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.
Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.
The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"
Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"