"Colon Quips"

A physician claims these are actual comments
from his patients made while he was performing
colonoscopies:

"Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where
no man has gone before."

"Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

"Can you hear me NOW?"

"Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we
there yet?"

"You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally
married."

"Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

"You put your left hand in, you take your left
hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."

"Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

"If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

"Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

"You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't
you?"

"Could you write me a note for my wife, saying
that my head is not, in fact, up there?"