out of office

Dear guys and girls, I will be away for awhile, actually not long lah, just for 3 days only, out of office, going to sepang for a 2 days course - will be staying at a very remote placed hotel, no whatsoever entertainment there, but tonite so lucky because my friend wanna take me out to watch WC games between Germany vs England. A game worth waiting for, and we gonna lepak at Pullman putrajaya as he said. So if u guys were around that place, come and join us! :)

"Medical Distinction Between Guts And Balls"

"Reality"

A man and his wife are watching boxing on TV.
The husband sighs and says, "I'm disappointed!
It was all over in four minutes." The wife replies,
"Good! now you know how I feel."


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


"Medical Distinction Between Guts And Balls"

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls?
We have all heard about people having Guts or Balls.
But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the
definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the
guys, being met by your wife with a broom in her hand,
and having the Guts to ask, "Are you still cleaning, or
are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the
guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your
collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the
Balls to say, "You are next, Chubby."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking there is NO difference in the
outcome. Both result in an immediate excruciatingly
painful death.

"A Blonde and an Irishman"

One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a
deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on
the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not
a ship." And, as the speck got closer and closer, he
began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat or
even a raft.

Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited
black clad figure. Putting aside the scuba gear and the
top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous
blonde! The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned
Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been
since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she
reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the
left sleeve of her wet suit, and pulled out a fresh pack of
cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag.

"Faith and begorra,"said the man, "that is so good I'd
almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good
Irish whiskey" asked the blonde

Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years." Hearing that,
the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve unzips a pocket
there and removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened
the flask and took a long drink.

"Tis nectar of the heavens!" stated the Irishman. "Tis truly
fantastic!!!"

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip
the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She
looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long
has it been since you played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and
sobbed;

"Oh God! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there
too!?"

"Human Emotions"

A man decides to have a party and invites lots of
people, telling them to bring their friends. On the
invitation he puts "Themed Party - Come as a Human
Emotion."

On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and
he opens the door to see a bloke covered in green
paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest.
He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion
have you come as?" and the guy says, "I'm green with
envy." The host replies, "Brilliant, come on in and have
a drink."

A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host
opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink
bodystocking with a feather boa wrapped round her
most intimate parts. He says to this woman "Wow,
great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" And she
replies, "I'm tickled pink." The host says, "I love it, come
on in and join the party."

A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third
time, and the host opens the door to see two guys,
stark naked, one with his pe/nis stuck in a jar of peanut
butter and the other with his unit stuck in a pear.

The host is really shocked and says, "God, guys,
what the hell are you doing? You could get arrested for
standing like that out here in the street. What emotion
is this supposed to be?"

The first guy replies, "Well, I'm f---ing nuts, and
my friend here has "come in despair."

"Milking Cows"

A salesman's car breaks down, so he asks a farmer
to let him spend the night, and the farmer agrees.
In the middle of the night, the salesman wakes up
and is really thirsty, so he decides to go to the barn
and get some milk from a cow.

Soon, the farmer hears noises coming from the barn
and goes to investigate. He then sees the salesman
coming out of the barn soaking wet and with a white
liquid dripping down his face. The farmer asks, "What
happened to you?"

The salesman says, "I just got thirsty, so I milked your
cow. It was so dark in there I don't know how I did it.
But I'm telling you, that cow has great milk! I must have
drank a gallon of it!"

The farmer then stares at him with a puzzled look and
says, "But we don't have a cow. We just have the bull..."



"Men as Cars"

Three women were talking about their love lives.

The first said :
'Mines like a Rolls-Royce,smooth and sophisticated.'

The second said:
'Mines like a Porsche, fast and powerful.'

The third said :
Mines like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and
I have to jump on while it's still going.'

Saiful Apek - Artis Pelawak terkenal ditangkap kes dadah Ganja - adakah benar?

adakah benar saiful apek ditangkap polis kerana kes dadah? pagi ini di radio era, dj dengan jelas mengatakan bahawa artis yang ditangkap itu adalah saiful apek! semalam dalam tv pun nampak dengan jelas susuk tubuh artis tu saiful apek, tapi , tak berani nak menuduh, nanti salah pulak. artis tersebut ditangkap dirumahnya di Jalan PJS7, sunway, subang jaya. ditangkap bersama rakannya. kalau ada sesiapa yang ada maklumat pasal kes ni, kongsi lah dengan kita semua! dijumpai dadah yang dipercayai Ganja seberat 40 gram

ada yang kata saiful apek, ada yang kata yassin, tapi kalau tengok susuk tubuh pun, dah nampak dahhhhhh sapa yang empunya badan, rambut pun panjang kusut masai tak terurus, agak agak siapa?

tapi, ada kata pepatah, " dah terang lagi bersuluh" heh heh

Video kat bawah ni terang terang tunjuk kawan kita tengah baikkkkk punya dok buat apa tatau, katanya isap shisha, ada kaaa isap shisha camtu, pakai batang betik? hahaha, apa pun, memang nampak propesional lagaknya, haha, tepuk dada tanya selera

"Colon Quips"

A physician claims these are actual comments
from his patients made while he was performing
colonoscopies:

"Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where
no man has gone before."

"Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

"Can you hear me NOW?"

"Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we
there yet?"

"You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally
married."

"Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

"You put your left hand in, you take your left
hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."

"Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

"If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

"Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

"You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't
you?"

"Could you write me a note for my wife, saying
that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

I have a problem!! Thank God I have found the solution! TM Italk Whoa

I have a problem, and really like to share with you guys. The story is like this lah.

My cousin continue his study in United Kingdom, this not yet a problem, this is a good thing lah, but the problem come when my uncle need to contact his son overseas. Because of that, my uncle gave me a task to find a very good solution to overcome this issue, well here goes!

To use IDD (International Direct Dial) is very costly. Because of that I need to find another solution, to use Internet application as a solution, well here goes, I’ll list all the pro and cons of Internet application and if there any good solution? You want to know if there any good solution? then you have to read till the end.

First, they have a text base messaging system such as MIRC, Facebook chat and few other chat applications. All you need is the computer connected to the internet; the other party also need pc and internet connection in order to interact to each other. But that is it, no voice or video conference, just a normal text messaging application, boring huh?

Second, instant messaging such as Yahoo Messenger or for short is YM. YM is a very good instant messaging device; it is a real time communication thru internet. You can chat/text message, voice chat or you can do a video conference, which is a big plus. What you need is a computer equips with web camera and Internet connection, and the other party have to have the same thing as well, a computer equip with web camera and internet connection. It is a very good internet application indeed, but the problem is, the other party need the equipment as well such as pc equip with web cam and internet connection and they need to be online at the same time. for info, there is a big time different between Malaysia and UK, also a big problem is my cousin only been there like 2 weeks and he didn’t event have a pc yet, how to get connected? Haihhh here come the 3rd solution.

Skype! Ever hear about it? Skype is software that enables the world's conversations. Individuals and businesses can use Skype to make free video and voice calls, send instant messages and share files with other Skype users. Everyday, people also use Skype to make low-cost calls to landlines and mobiles. But how low is it? for your info it’s USD 2.1 per minute to UK, wow that is errrr, quite hefty.

Anyway, to cut it short, here come the solution to my task it’s called Italk Whoa! You can view it at http://www.italkwhoa.com/

To put it in a simple word – it is and application/ web portal that enable you to call to mobile or landline overseas (this portal also have other function – read more ) with the lowest call rate. Example – call rate to UK is charged at RM0.14 per minute for landline and RM0.77 per minute for mobile. That is really cheap bro! also here some question –If a user is overseas and wanna use the iTalkwhoa is it possible? What are the charges like? This is a portal service, regardless where ever you are from; the rates are applicable as it will be in the list here . User can by the Italk Whoa credit from maybank 2u or many other places as listed here . Apart from that, this is an online portal that enables people to check their email, tweet, sms, call and all from one website. What you need to do is check out the portal at http://www.italkwhoa.com/ and can share with me on your experience.


Back to my uncle’s story, my uncle is so happy and he promised me to treat me dinner for the whole week! still waiting for it though :P

Elephant Tale

Elephant picture explains mystery of 'leaking jacuzzi' A mystery "leak" draining a jacuzzi in South Africa has been explained after tourists caught an elephant drinking from the pool.




An elephant nicknamed Troublesome is snapped taking a drink from the pool at Etali Safari Lodge, South Africa. Susan Potgieter, owner of the lodge, said: "When I first saw the photograph of her drinking I couldn't believe it. It was something of a relief because we had been trying to work out why the pool had been draining so quickly for weeks but couldn't find a leak anywhere" Photo: CATERS
Affectionately nicknamed 'Troublesome', the animal is well-known to rangers at the reserve for her inquisitive nature.
But no one imagined any connection with a problematic jacuzzi outside one of the £400-a-night lodges.
 After weeks spent trying to solve the mystery Troublesome was finally caught in the act when a guest staying at the lodge heard her outside.
Susan Potgieter, owner of Etali Safari Lodge, said elephants could drink more than 200 litres of water a day so drinking a whole jacuzzi was no problem.
She said: "When I first saw the photograph of her drinking I couldn't believe it. And then it dawned on me of course an elephant was drinking it.
"It was something of a relief because we had been trying to work out why the pool had been draining so quickly for weeks but couldn't find a leak anywhere.
"When it was empty in the morning we first called a plumber, but they could not work out why it was draining either.
"Troublesome was caught in the act by a guest at the lodge who just came outside to have some tea on the decking.
"They were quite surprised to see an elephant taking a drink of her own too, and quickly grabbed a camera.
"We've seen this elephant a lot before and by the lodge, the rangers call her 'Troublesome' not because she causes trouble but because she comes so close to their vehicles."
Susan said Troublesome probably preferred the water of the jacuzzi because it was clean.
She said: "Now that we know what was going on we have tried to provide her an alternative source of water. But sometimes it's hard to get an elephant to change her ways.
"She is a very welcome visitor for us and our guests, except it's probably best to check if she is around before taking a dip in the jacuzzi."

3 Blondes

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh.. .that's because the picture shows his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his side profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up
with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds"... think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does
in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?


"That's easy," the blonde replied.
"He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.


*LOL

"Hearing Loss"

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in
their retirement home reminiscing. The first
lady recalled shopping at the green grocers
and demonstrated with her hands, the length
and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for
a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions
used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and
demonstrated the size of two big onions she
could buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word
you're saying, but I remember the guy you're
talking about."



well, i have nothin to say.... :P